Leaving Him Behind
by ThePigeonsAreLoose
Summary: Aaron makes a decision to find himself after losing Jackson. Please read.One-Shot.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Song, Just Say Yes is by Snow Patrol and Emmerdale, Aaron and other characters are owned by ITV. P.S. I'm changing a few things, like Aaron isn't charged with murder. And he went to Jackson's funeral.

Leaving Him Behind

Aaron's POV

_I'm running out of ways to make you see_

_I want you to stay here behind me_

_I won't be okay and I won't pretend I am_

_So just tell me today and take my hand_

_Please just take my hand_

_Please just take my hand_

He's dead, the one person I love is dead and it was my fault, I helped him kill himself. Who am I? I don't know any more. When I woke up this morning, I looked in the mirror and I didn't recognise my own reflection. I honestly can say I don't know who I am any more. Jackson changed my life, for the good, but now that he's gone I don't know what I am going to do. So I've decided, since the police didn't charge me for his death, that I am going to leave Emmerdale and just go somewhere, anywhere will do. But I'm gonna go away and find myself again. If this had happened a couple of years ago. I would have jumped at the chance to leave this village, but after actually having a life here , I came to actually find Emmerdale. And I'm finding it hard on just thinking about leaving this place. Leaving my family, Mum, Cain and Debbie, Zac and Lisa. But to be honest, and I wouldn't admit it even if I was tortured for information. I would miss Paddy the most. He is like a Dad to me, a better one than my real was can ever be, and he gave up his own time and space to get me back on track. Give me a friendship and a home. But now he has a little family of his own, and he has to focus on that. Even if he doesn't want to half the time. Despite all of the reasons not to leave I still have to. If not for them but for me, I have to move on from Jackson. I have to leave him behind. Because I can't help but remember everything about him, and every time I step outside my house and look around the village. All I can remember all the things we did together. And it's killing me, knowing that those are just memories and they will always be just memories and I will never feel so happy again. So leaving is the only way I will be able to move on without Jackson.

As I sat my bedroom at my Mum's house, bags packed and ready to go, I started to write letters to my Mum and Paddy.

I would write one to Adam and Cain to but Adam is giving me a lift out of here and Cain would actually come and find me just to smack me over the head for being a girl. I have decided where I'm going, while I was thinking of places to go my luck changed when Ryan Lamb phoned me, he said he had settled in to his new house in Chester and then we started talking, when I mentioned my plan he asked if I would like to live with him since he was looking for a lodger and could do with the company. So I took him up on his offer since it fits with my plan of getting away from here and move on. So Adam promised to drive me there if he could spend a few nights with us there. Ryan agreed so it was a done deal.

Any way, I know I should go see Mum and Paddy before I leave but it would be too hard, and they would somehow convince me to stay and I can't. But it is getting so hard to write.

_Mum,_

_I know I should of told you, but I have left Emmerdale, I'm sorry for not telling you in person but it would be too hard for me to do. I know that when I first came back in to your life I was a nightmare. Still am if we're honest. But over the 2 years here, no matter how hard to control I have been, you still never gave up on me. And now I am happy to call you Mum, even if you can still embarrass me any time anywhere. I have gone down to live with Ryan for a while so I can get my life on track and move on from Jackson. And to stop you worrying I have put my number and Ryan's at the bottom of this. I am going to miss you, but I promise it wont be forever. I can't believe it but I like Emmerdale. And I would call it a home. So when I am ready I promise to come back, even if your still there. And I promise I will call and talk to you all the time._

_Love You_

_Aaron._

After putting mine and Ryan's number on the letter. I put it in an envelope and put my house key in there as well. I closed the seal on the envelope and wrote 'Mum' on the front. Now I have to write Paddy's.

_Paddy,_

_I know that you are probably worried out of your head, and I know I should of told you of all people, but I have left Emmerdale. I'm sorry for not saying but I couldn't. Not to you. You are like a Dad to me. You would have begged me not to and I would have stayed. But I can't. I can't stay there when all I can think about is Jackson and it is killing me. And now you, Rhona and Marlon have a baby to look after now. So I want you to stop worrying about me and spoil that kid. Before you think I am just going to wander around, sleeping on a coach like an idiot. I have somewhere to stay. I am going to live with Ryan for a while and when I'm ready I will come back. I have given all the information to Mum and I promise to stay in touch with you. And when I come back to Emmerdale I want to see you have a big happy family and that baby to be as spoilt as it should be. I am going to miss seeing you everyday, besides Jackson, you have been my rock even though I did ruin yours and Mum's relationship to begin with. I am going to miss you so much._

_Aaron._

After sealing that letter open I heard Adam honk is horn. So I put Mum's letter next to all of her other mail, knowing she will read it eventually. And since Paddy is on call for the next three hours I am going to give it to Pearl, I know she will read it and tell everyone but I will already be gone so I don't care. So after I throw all my stuff into Adam's car, I tell him to go and wait in the pub and I'll call him when I'm ready to go. I reach the Vet office but Pearl isn't there so I leave it at her desk, she'll see it immediately and give it to Paddy for me. I shut the door and leave the cottage. I have one more stop to make.

_Just say yes,just say there's nothing holing you back_

_It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind_

_Only love_

_It's so simple and you know it is  
>You know it is, yeah<br>We can't be to and fro like this  
>All our lives<br>You're the only way to me  
>The path is clear<br>What do I have to say to you  
>For Gods sake, dear<br>For Gods sake, dear  
><em>_For Gods sake, dear  
>For Gods sake, dear<br>For Gods sake, dear_

As I see the graveyard ahead. I prepare myself for what I am going to do. This is the last time I am going to see Jackson, for a long time. Next time I see him I will be over him. He will always be a part of my heart but he will always be here. Six feet under and I can't keep hoping we can be together still. So I find his grave

g to talk anyway.

"I know that all of this was my fault. If you weren't mad at me you would not have been at that train track and everything would have been all right. But even though it was your decision. I still know it was my fault you died. And I'm sorry." I took a deep breath and my eyes started to water. "I'm sorry you fell in love with an idiot." Now I was full on crying. I couldn't talk any more so I stood up and started to walk away. I know that I was an idiot but I promise to myself that when I meet someone just as special as Jackson I will not make the same mistake. I will be the best boyfriend in the world. I will be everything Jackson had tried so hard to make be be. And I'll be happy. On that thought I started walking down the cemetery and when I look down the hill. I saw the whole of Emmerdale from here.

_Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back  
>It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind<br>Only love_

_Just say yes, cause I'm aching and I know you are too  
>For the touch of your warm skin<br>As I breathe you in_

_I can feel your heart beat through my shirt  
>This was all I wanted, all I want<br>Its all I want  
>Its all I want<br>Its all I want  
>Its all I want<em>

As I walked down Emmerdale I let myself for one last time look around and remember all the good times I had with Jackson. I walked down the street with a smile on my face and my eyes were red from all the crying I had done. At last I got to the car and I could see Paddy's house from here. And after calling Adam, I let myself have one last reminisce about my favourite memory.

When I invited Jackson in to my house, I was so nervous. I had never liked a man so much but I had no idea what to do. And after awkward conversation. I lent over and kissed him. I had never felt so happy to have someone kiss me back. And then we had sex for the first time. It was the first time I knew I was in love with Jackson.

Brining me out of my thoughts. I saw Adam coming down the street. "You ready to go mate?" He said and I smiled and nodded. We got in the car and Adam started driving down the street. I saw 'Emmerdale' on a post and as soon as we had drove past it. I knew there was no turning back.

_Just say yes, just say there's nothing holding you back  
>It's not a test, nor a trick of the mind<br>Only love_

_Just say yes, cause I'm aching and I know you are too  
>For the touch of your warm skin<br>As I breathe you in_

Thanks for reading.

Go and check my other story.

'The Consequences of Loving Brendan Brady'

Also I am not sure to leave this as a one shot, please review and tell me what you think.

Thanks

Nathan XD


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